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bickering
May 2009 
What, in this moment, is bringing you joy?
Posted on Aug 24th, 2008
by 
ruth
ruth
This is in Response to the Questions and Reflections for August 24, 2008:
My twins both have their learner's permit and we just returned from an errand with one behind the wheel and one in the rear passenger seat behind me. Stereo nattering in the way that is only charming between twins (when others do it, it is negative bickering). Like joyful music to a mother's ears.
D (passenger): Just go, just go!
N (driver): The manual says to wait two seconds after the light turns green
D: That was 5 min. It's 7 in the morning and no one else is on the road.
N: You're just mad Mom let me drive.
D: You call what you are doing driving?
N: Mom are you sure I turn right here?
Mom: Yes, and you are allowed to turn right on the red in Ontario.
D: Go!
N: No, I prefer to wait for the green
D: That's stupid. Plus you are not supposed to tick off the line of driver's behind you.
N: There is no one behind me.
...and on and on nonstop like that. I don't really know why the twins bickering is completely different than any other combination of people nattering. The tone is the same superfically, the words ridiculous and petty. Maybe it is the grins from ear to ear on both of them that break out in giggles just when a particular point seems to be at an escalation point. It is at that point that bickering deteriorates to stony withdrawal or shouting between everyone else, so the mood leading up to it is tense when others bicker. Whereas once you have heard the twins bicker a few times you begin to look forward to escalating levels of nitpicking derision because instead of feeling tense waiting for the big negative blow up, you know any second, there will be grins and giggles.
Very fun
Brings me much joy.
D (passenger): Just go, just go!
N (driver): The manual says to wait two seconds after the light turns green
D: That was 5 min. It's 7 in the morning and no one else is on the road.
N: You're just mad Mom let me drive.
D: You call what you are doing driving?
N: Mom are you sure I turn right here?
Mom: Yes, and you are allowed to turn right on the red in Ontario.
D: Go!
N: No, I prefer to wait for the green
D: That's stupid. Plus you are not supposed to tick off the line of driver's behind you.
N: There is no one behind me.
...and on and on nonstop like that. I don't really know why the twins bickering is completely different than any other combination of people nattering. The tone is the same superfically, the words ridiculous and petty. Maybe it is the grins from ear to ear on both of them that break out in giggles just when a particular point seems to be at an escalation point. It is at that point that bickering deteriorates to stony withdrawal or shouting between everyone else, so the mood leading up to it is tense when others bicker. Whereas once you have heard the twins bicker a few times you begin to look forward to escalating levels of nitpicking derision because instead of feeling tense waiting for the big negative blow up, you know any second, there will be grins and giggles.
Very fun
Brings me much joy.
Access: Public
I love this story. It warms my heart when parents will let kids be kids with out feeling the need to interfere.
It is easy not to interfere with the twins. Among my others, I have a harder time backing off… though I predominently try to back off and let them have relationships among themselves. Otherwise I end up Policeperson and they do not learn to related among themselves. :)
TY Joe.
Perhaps it is because they shared the same womb for nine months, the dialogue your twins share seems similar to the internalized dialog which often goes on inside one person's head. Do you find that? I agree, it is amusing. Much like the second-guessing we do with ourselves if viewed with compassionate good humour. It was a great little piece of writing. Very in the moment. Very real.